Oh the Pressure!!!

Why do moms today put so much pressure on themselves to be and do everything?

We educate ourselves and work hard to earn just as much as men and when we have children, we strive for the label of “perfect parent”. We read every parenting book, and judge ourselves harshly for making any mistakes. We put pressure on ourselves to have perfectly kept homes and we work on our bodies so we are not seen as unattractive or having “let ourselves go”.
As our kids get older, we put them in every available sport every season and add dance, piano, drama, swimming, and anything else everyone’s kids are doing. Our kids are so overloaded, they can’t get their homework done so we add weekly tutoring sessions and because they are so strung out (as are we!) we must add the weekly therapy session to talk about how overwhelmed we all feel and why we might not be getting along.
As tough as it is we must remember that it is self-imposed and no one forced us to be this over committed. Somewhere along the way we decided that we could be both 50’s mom baking cookies for the class party and driving car pool and the feminist version of womanhood contributing equally to the household and motivating our children to be competitors. In the end we must acknowledge the toll it is taking on us, our relationships and our children and make some changes.
Here are six ways to lessen the burden and try to enjoy this roller coaster ride called parenting a bit more:

1. If you can; sacrifice: If you can find ways to spend less and have one parent stay home, do. It is such a short time that the kids are at home and it goes so fast that for a few years, live in a smaller house, eat out less or take inexpensive vacations so that both parents aren’t running mad all the time to support a bigger lifestyle.

2. Limit your kid’s activities: I know there is pressure to expose your children to everything so that they can be competitive but sometimes it is just piling on. Choose one sport per season and maybe one instrument if that is important to you. If your child loves it or shows signs of a natural ability; run with it but not every child is going to grow up to be a world class soccer player because they were signed up every season from the age of 3. Encourage them to try new things but focus more attention on what they are really good at and love and they will have a better chance of finding a way to make it a part of their lives as they grow.

3. Don’t compare or compete: The “Go Family” next door might seem to have it all under control; they are constantly running from activity to activity both parents working full time and playing full time. You may feel you should be doing the same but not only might this not work for you or your family; things are not always as perfect as they seem. This may be the family that shocks you one day by announcing they are getting divorced or one of their children ends up in big trouble. Too much pressure gets to everyone eventually however some people are better at masking it.

4. Sometimes just STOP: Every once in a while, just stop running and hang out. Don’t answer the phone, miss a baseball game or say no to a social event. Spend a whole day at home in your pajamas with your kids and play games or watch movies and eat popcorn. You might not believe it but these are the things kids will remember most fondly when they get older, not how many baseball games and swim meets they were taken to during the season.

5. Forgive yourself: No parent is perfect. We have all said or done things we regret and sometimes, more than once. When you lose your temper or forget to bring the cake for your child’s birthday, take a deep breath and forgive yourself first. Your family will survive and you can often use these moments as teaching tools if approached with the right attitude. Show your children that everyone makes mistakes and what makes a person is how they handle themselves afterwards.

6. Focus on Love: In the end it is how much your children understand about your love for them that matters, not what their extracurricular activity calendar looked like. Make sure that in the rush to do all you feel the need to do you have not forgotten to tell them every day how much they as people mean to you.